I’ve been thinking about this a lot. Actually, I’ve been agonizing, debating, praying, and hand-wringing. Let me esplain, no there is too much, let me sum up: to find balance in my life right now, something has got to go.
Over the course of the past few months I have felt a near-constant urging. Every direction I turn, every thought that I have, and every prayer that is answered carries with it this message: my family needs more of me. After all the agonizing and praying, I have decided that my photography needs to be set aside. For real.
Letting go of photography is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I love it so much! I am a creative being and photography has become such a fulfilling outlet for me. I love everything about photography: the fun I have shooting my subjects, the thrill I get when I get a great shot, and the happiness I find in creating beautiful images. And, of course, it feels great when others love my work and ask me to take their pictures. I think that is going to be the hardest thing for me – saying no. Argh I hate that word!! But every hour I spend on a photo shoot is an hour away from my family. Every hour I spend editing (and there are many many hours I tell you!) is time my kids have to hear, “not right now,” “in a while,” and “maybe later.” What I have learned, after some humble contemplation, is that no matter how good of a photographer I become or how high in demand my services may be, my family is always going to be more important. “No other success can compensate for failure in the home.”
I know there are other photographers out there who find balance and harmony between family and their craft. But I am not one of them. That is not to say that I don’t have the ability to create balance, but because balance is not what is necessary. At this time in my life, what is required of me personally is full-fledged dedication and focus. This is my personal truth. It has not come easily, nor is it easy to enact, but at the same time my heart sings with the knowledge that I am doing what is right for me. Sister Hinckley once said to young mothers, “These are golden years for you. These are years when you will probably do the most important work of your lives. Don’t wish away your years of caring for small children. Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans. This is a time of great opportunity for you to build the kingdom. When you teach children to love their Heavenly Father, you have done one of the greatest things you will ever do. If you can be a full-time homemaker, be grateful.”
So to all my dear friends and clients who have supported me through this experience, thank you! I know many of you have asked to have your pictures done this Fall. It is harder than you can know for me to turn you down, for I feel like I am letting you down. I hope you know that I am sorry for this. In the future, perhaps the opportunity will come to embrace photography again. Until then, my camera and I are not parting ways. I’ll still be capturing life with my lens, and I hope to further educate myself and improve my techniques. Photography is a part of me now and it always will be.
